


Goodbye, Interrupted

by CastielsGracex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, Angry Dean Winchester, Angst, Castiel In Love, Castiel in the Bunker, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Coda, Crying Castiel, Crying Dean, Dean Winchester In Love, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), First Kiss, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Lots Of Manly Tears, Lots of Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), Protective Castiel, Regret, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sad, Songfic, Unresolved Romantic Tension, but somewhat bittersweet, sorry okay i dont know what im doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 18:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9837794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsGracex/pseuds/CastielsGracex
Summary: Castiel sat on the small bed in his room. The Winchesters had been gracious enough to allow him to live with them for a while now. Ever since they had been taken, it had become an unspoken thing. Castiel would stay with them when he had nothing else to do.Home.That's what Dean had called it after tonight's stressful events. Castiel had been sure he was going to die and had said some things that he was sure would complicate things down the line when the time came to talk about them. Complications would arise but he knew the Winchesters would always be willing to die for him, no matter what. And that exactly, is why he had to leave.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @ monarchmish.tumblr.com and twitter at: @monarchmish

Castiel sat on the small bed in his room. The Winchesters had been gracious enough to allow him to live with them for a while now. Ever since they had been taken, it had become an unspoken thing. Castiel would stay with them when he had nothing else to do.  
Home.  
That's what Dean had called it after tonight's stressful events. Castiel had been sure he was going to die and had said some things that he was sure would complicate things down the line when the time came to talk about them. Complications would arise but he knew the Winchesters would always be willing to die for him, no matter what. That is why he had to leave. He was thankful right now everyone was too tired to even think of talking because Castiel had a plan and he didn't want anyone spoiling it.  
He was so goddamn tired of spoiling everything for the Winchesters. So damn tired of being another weakness in what he was certain would be the perfect team of hunters. Castiel knew he not only complicated their hunts and sometimes ruined them - he knew that he was just baggage and they were both too scared of losing him to bring their A game during a hunt. Castiel was tired of being that to them. He was tired of ruining it for the boys. Tired of ruining it for Dean.

And that's how he found himself in his small room in the bunker pulling out a duffel bag with every intention of leaving as soon as possible without the Winchesters noticing. He Refused to be a burden any longer. Castiel looked around the room at the couple of items he had grown fond of over the last few months staying there. Dean's pajamas that he had given Castiel even though he knew full well Castiel didn't need sleep, memory foam pillows that Dean had gone out and bought for him during a shopping trip, the old ipod & cheap little speakers that Sam had given him after he noticed Castiel taking a liking to a few of the artists he liked. These were the most important things to him really other than the clothes he wore on his back and his angel blade. He had a few books and weapons that he did find important and was intending on packing. That would take a few minutes and he figured he might as well listen to one of the songs he liked the most off of that ipod through the speakers one last time before he packed them away. It would be nice to pack and listen.

He padded over to the speakers and flipped through the songs until his finger landed on the one he wanted. Relaxed notes floated crisply through the speakers as he began his dutiful work of packing the few earthly possessions he cared about in this world.

_"When you were here before - couldn't look you in the eye."_

Time slowed down for Castiel as he thought back to those things he had said tonight. He had glanced at Dean and quickly looked away before he said "I love you". Castiel had never expected to feel the need to say those words. The feeling had been there for years since the moment he laid a hand on his soul in Hell - but it had taken him a while to figure out what it was. Nevertheless, Castiel had known he was in love with Dean Winchester for years and tonight, he had thought that it would be his last time to have the opportunity to say it to him so the words had tumbled from his lips on impulse. He hadn't been able to look Dean in the eye as he said it.  
He had immediately regretted saying it though, once he had caught the hunter's eyes again and seen the shock in them. So, of course, he had quickly followed it up with "I love all of you" to try and fix the mistake he had made. He had tried. But he could tell that the damage was done. Dean had understood what Castiel had meant.

_"You're just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather in a beautiful world"_

Castiel knew that not only was he a failure as a hunter. He was a failure as an angel too. Dean would have made a much better angel in his place. His soul was true beauty and Castiel could only imagine what his grace would have been like if Dean had been an angel. Castiel would have no doubt wanted to take him as a mate the second they met. Not that Dean simply being a human made any difference really - Castiel was so far down the rabbit hole that was Dean Winchester that he had spent many nights remembering what Dean's skin had felt like under his touch when he knit Dean back together. He had wished so often that he would be allowed to touch Dean in much different circumstances. But of course - Dean would never want that. He was such a bright soul. Such a beautiful human and he would never understand just HOW important he was to Castiel. For years, Castiel had been cast out of his home. He had wandered alongside Dean for years - homeless. Until he realized that he was home. Dean had been his home for years now. Not the bunker.

_"And I wish I was special. You're so fuckin' special"_

He knew he had to leave. He couldn't keep doing this to the Winchesters. They were weak when he was with them and he refused to put them in situations where they would be vulnerable because of him ever again. Tonight they had all nearly died just because they refused to leave him to die. He was a warrior of God. Nothing more, nothing less. Castiel had been created to be expendable. To fight, and to die if need be to protect his father's creations. He wasn't any different than the other angels in the heavenly host. He wasn't special. He knew he wasn't. But reality be damned when Dean would steal those long glances at Castiel. Castiel knew they meant nothing more than friendship and concern for his well being but he so desperately wanted them to match what HE felt. He so desperately wanted to be special to Dean in a romantic way. He knew how wrong that was.

_"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo."_

Castiel gruffly threw the soft and worn out pajamas Dean had gifted him into the duffel bag. Castiel regretted not using them as often as he should have while he had been staying in the bunker. He should have embraced all aspects of humanity while living with humans he loved so much but he had been too busy worrying about other things. He hadn't noticed at the time what it meant when Dean had gifted the pajamas to him. They were old and used but they were Dean's. Dean had wanted Castiel to relax and get comfortable around the bunker. But no, Castiel hadn't read into what the gift had meant and he'd been a weirdo who never changed his clothes and was always uptight around the bunker.

_"What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."_

And so with newly found resolve to leave this place and let the brothers be, he quickened his pace and started working through packing the few possessions he had in a quicker fashion until there was only the speakers and a pile of small books left. He didn't belong here. He had tried. God knew he had tried so hard after getting his grace back to try and remain as human as possible but he just couldn't always do it. He simply didn't belong. His first moments on earth had been absolutely jarring back in the barn 8 years ago, and tonight, he had felt the same thing he had felt in that barn. It had been as jarring as his first night on earth - knowing he would die and leave the man he so desperately loved behind.

_"I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul"_

He sat on the edge of the small bed and hung his head in his hands. This was the last thing he wanted to do. Every part of the ever present lingering humanity in him wanted to stay and spend time with Dean. It hurt so bad to know that leaving was the right decision.He wanted to do good by his father. He had never been a perfect soldier like his brothers and sisters. He had never been an exemplary angel. But if he could do something right, even if it was at the expense of his own heartbreak and loneliness, if he could do ONE thing right that would benefit the Winchesters. He would do it and never look back.  
He sighed as he put the books in the duffel. All that was left were the speakers.

_"I want you to notice when I'm not around. You're so fuckin' special. I wish I was special"_

As he stood in the empty room, contemplating his last moments in the bunker, Castiel couldn't help but wonder how the Winchesters would feel when they found out he was gone. He couldn't help but wondering if Dean would miss him. If Dean would be upset at his unexplained absence. He felt a pang of what could only be described as guilt when he realized he WANTED dean to miss him. Secretly, he wanted to know his absence would be a cause for emotions. He hated that he wanted this. It was the reason he was leaving in the first place. To stop putting so much stress on the boys, Dean in particular. And it made him pretty angry that his emotions would betray him at times and make him WANT Dean to be sad if he left.

_"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."_

Castiel's eyes betrayed him as he felt himself shedding tears. He had done this in private a few times over the years. Crying. He would miss this place. He would miss the bunker. He would miss Dean Winchester. He would miss the man who had become his source of happiness and joy. He would miss the man who had become his home. He took one last look at the room that had been his while he outstayed his welcome and turned on his heel reaching for the door. No use lingering on the heartbreak he was feeling. He needed to get out of there and get out of there quick. He sighed and pulled the door open with every intention of sprinting for the bunker door as if not to be caught. He would leave the speakers and ipod on second thought. The ipod had been expensive and Sam could probably get some money if they sold it. He continued on - only to run face first into none other than Dean Winchester in his very doorway.  
He looked into Dean's eyes through the couple tears that continued to fall and could immediately see bewilderment turning to hurt in his eyes.

_"She's running out again. She's running out. She's run run run run"_

Dean put his hand out and pushed Castiel back into the room, slamming the door behind him. He slammed both his hands into Castiel's chest in frustration until Castiel was backed up against the wall of the bedroom. Castiel understood the hurt and anger in Dean's eyes as Dean viciously stared him down. Castiel dropped his duffel on the floor in defeat, knowing this was about to turn into a fight or a goodbye. Both of those things being things Castiel had wanted to avoid. Either way. This was going to get painful and ugly for both of them.  
"Going somewhere?" Dean snarled through clenched teeth as his hands balled into fists while grabbing at the front of Castiel's trenchcoat. Castiel remained deathly quiet never once taking his wet blue eyes off of Dean's brilliantly green ones.  
"You know what's funny Cas? You said some interesting things tonight. You told me you loved me. And I could tell you meant me alone. Why the HELL would you say that to me on your deathbed? And more importantly, why the HELL would you say that to me and LEAVE ME when you survived?" he spat at Castiel, inches from his face. Dean was seething with anger.  
Castiel didn't have a good answer. He had known what he was doing was going to be painful for Dean. He knew it wouldn't be well received but he felt it was necessary for Dean's well being.  
Castiel closed his eyes and tried to choose his words carefully as he opened his mouth to speak - but was cut off mid thought by the feeling of soft warm lips on his.

_"Whatever makes you happy. Whatever you want. You're so fuckin' special..."_

Castiel opened his eyes to see Dean Winchester; the man he was hopelessly in love with, kissing him as if Castiel was the most fragile thing in the world. Tears had begun spilling from Dean's eyes too but the kiss was relentless and unbroken. Castiel ran his tongue across Dean's lips and the sob that was ripped from his human's throat was a sound of pleasure mixed with absolute devastation. It was audible heartbreak. Castiel's heart shattered instantly.  
He knew in that moment that no matter what he thought was right, he would do anything the eldest Winchester wanted. He would do anything to make him happy. Dean was his human charge and Castiel was smitten.  
Dean's lips became more urgent as he pressed his whole body up against Castiel - pressing him hard against the wall. Calloused hands trembled down Castiel's side and up his dirty, ripped shirt and trenchoat, trailing whisperlike touches across his skin.  
Castiel shuddered as another moan-sob was ripped from Dean's throat, straight into Castiel's mouth.  
The moment was a beautiful warm, wet, mess. Tears streaming down both their faces & lips speaking to each other without having to utter a word.  
Dean broke away from the kiss and trailed his soft lips down Castiel's jaw, peppering kisses along the way until he reached the crook in Castiel's neck.  
Castiel could feel the tears Dean was shedding as they fell on Castiel's skin. Dean nuzzled and kissed the hollow in Castiel's neck as he wrapped his arms around the angel.  
"Please.......stay" Dean breathed weakly in a barely audible voice against Castiel's neck. Dean was defeated. Castiel could feel the moment Dean broke and his body instantly sagged against the angel's in between sobs.

The music faded out in Castiel's mind as he zoned in on Dean - erasing all other things from existence in that moment. For a second, time stood still.  
The rest of of the the universe may have been a sad, doomed little world. But in that moment - Dean WAS Castiel's world.

Castiel tightened his grip on the human that meant everything to him.  
Castiel was home.


End file.
